Letter To My Younger Self

A letter to my 14 year old self.

Your biggest worry right now is that you’ll never grow boobs, i’m happy to say that you do, but unfortunately it won’t be for a lot longer than you hoped!

I need to prepare you, things are going to start getting tougher for you Sassy. Your sight is going to start deteriorating, and it’s going to be a source of vexation and stress for you and the entire family, don’t worry, it doesn’t go all at once, but the decline starts at the end of year 10. I feel like I need to prepare you, you are defiant, stubborn, short tempered and irrational exclaiming such things like you’ll take your own life if it gets any worse.

You need to make sure the school support you adequately, don’t just try and muddle through, academically you are far more capable of what you achieve, maybe if the support was put in quicker, you’ll find it easier to study for the exams you detest.

Things are going to get worse, and you are going to have several operations, as well as treatments.
Dump the methotrexate, you were right all along, it did nothing for you. I still feel sick thinking about you taking it even now.

********

You will be hesitant at first, but going to a college for the blind is your best option, and it will turn out to be life changing in so many ways.

You will make friends that you would never expect to, but hold them tight, these friends will be invaluable to you.
Friendships are strong and fickle during this time, walk away. Every time.having the last word gets you nowhere but trouble. Oh and both times you and your friend have gut instincts things are going to go wrong, listen to them. Stand your ground, and let her stand hers.
It’s not worth the consequences trust me.
You will fall in love, and it will be amazing, but you will also ruin the relationship because of your depression and anger.

You should seek help, not from inside though, you are right not to trust them.
But if you don’t accept it’s over, and acknowledge you need help, things will only go from bad to worse.

Depression is Anillness, and although you think you’re fine, and it’s everyone else who has the problem, sadly you’re mistaken.
YOU are the problem.

There’s no point sugar coating it, you are not the only one to blame, but it’s better to understand now.

things are only going to get worse unless you seek help.

You are going to lose your sight more than once.
With deterioration you feel out of control.
Don’t deny it, or deal in anger, you’ll only end up hurting yourself.

********

Do you want to hear the best bit? It’s not as bad as you dreaded.
You WILL cope, and you WILL live.
Of course times will be tough, stressful and heartbreaking, but those are blips in the road.

In the grand scheme of things, it’ll be nothing. You are so strong and resilient. At this time you will find who your true friends are, and although it will hurt at first, you’ll realise they weren’t worth the effort in the first place.

So many things will happen to you between this age of yours and the future.

But not all of it is bad. Far from it. You are the happiest you’ve ever been. I bet you never thought that would be the case huh?

Take the bad times and roll with it, because throughout it all, you will come out a stronger, better, kinder, happier person.

And aside from your eyes, your of good health. Be thankful. Cherish everyone around you, and forgive quickly.

There’s no point ruminating.

You are going to change, but it will be for the better.

One massive tip though; take your bloody MacBook to the shop as soon as it plays up! Leaving it for months because you were too scared to head to the city by yourself knowing how little you can see now, just ask someone to take you! Pay for their travel/lunch, it will be a nice bonding experience. I know you are stressed about always relying on people But the worst that can happen is they say no… It’ll give you the opportunity to learn how to finally navigate your way around Apple better.

Who knows, you may start blogging earlier?

********

I believe everything happens for a reason, and no matter how much I would love for you to know this information, it’s moulded you into the person you are today.
Every story has it’s scars and these are yours.

36 thoughts on “Letter To My Younger Self”

  1. I love this, it’s very honest and heartfelt..there are lots of things I would like to tell my 14 year old self too! Mainly eat something..you are an inspiration and I hope this blog helps other people think about their achievements xx

    1. Hey Jade,
      Thank you for your lovely comment! Haha that is something I too would probably tell my 14 year old self, I ate the amount of a small child haha.
      Thank you, big hugs 🙂 xxx

  2. Love this, Sassy – there are so many things I wish I could say to my younger self too. I love how you put such a positive spin on the difficulties you’ve faced with losing your eyesight – it sounds like you’ve definitely come out a stronger person. Big hugs!

    1. Hey,
      Thanks so much for your comment!

      I really wasn’t the nicest person to be around for a very long time, but now i’m in a better place, I strive to be a better person 🙂 xxx

  3. Sad & funny at the same time, reading this I can truly relate, thinking of the things I would tell my much younger self. I’m sure your mum & dad felt all these emotions with you. Love it

    1. Hey,
      Ahh what we would all tell our younger selves ehh?
      I’m sure they can remember those days clearer than I can, having blurred vision definitely gave me a blurred perspective! 😉 xxx

    1. Hey Gemma,

      Thank you for your extremely kind words!
      Sorry I made you cry! If it helps I cried a little when writing it?
      Sending you big hugs for the comments and sadness I caused you! 🙂 xxx

  4. That was an awesome post, I can completely relate to almost everything you mentioned.

    P.S., YAY! for boobs! No matter how low things get, almost always guaranteed to put smiles on faces 😀

    1. Hey,
      Thanks for taking the time out to comment!
      I think you should blog, I would love to read your thoughts 🙂
      Haha yay for boobs! 🙂 xxx

  5. Such a heartfelt post! It’s a long road you’ve been on. Thank you for sharing it; I often feel I’m on a similar road myself. I’m struggling with an auto. inner ear disease which is slowly taking my hearing. Like you, help is very difficult to ask for and wearing hearing aids as a teacher is pretty useless. It is a struggle but one I mostly keep to myself. Your thoughts offer great hope- thanks!

    1. Hey Leanne,
      Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I’m really sorry to hear that your hearing is slowly going, I can’t imagine how hard it must be as a Teacher, never mind on a personal level.

      Always here if ever you need to chat to someone 🙂 xxx

  6. This is such a heartfelt and powerful post Sassy and at the end I found myself wanting to shout “Goooooooo Sassy, Goooo Girl” Because you are such an inspirational lady and knowing your journey and the tough times only highlights this even more. Yaaay to blogging keep blogging lovely lady! 🙂

    1. Hey Emma,
      Thank you very much, you are very kind!
      I do enjoy blogging, even the stuff that’s hard to write!
      Big hugs 🙂 xxx

  7. Oh that was beautifully written and very heart-felt. Sounds like you’ve come a long way and fought adversity so well – be proud of yourself! 🙂

    1. Hey Tracy,
      Thank you for the lovely comment! 🙂
      My journey certainly hasn’t been easy, but there are always people worse off in life, so I try my best to find the positives now instead of dwelling on the negatives 🙂 xxx

    1. Hey Yvonne,

      Thank you for your lovely comments! I’m not sure I deserve them! 🙂
      Big hugs 🙂 xxx

  8. What a heartfelt post! You are so strong, to have come through all the ups and downs of difficult friendships/relationships and kept such a good perspective on slowly losing your sight. Loved this!

    1. Hey Julie,
      Thank you for your lovely words, I think i’ve finally learned to deal with the emotions, instead of letting them deal with me!
      I’m just glad there was a lot of support in the form of friends and family, I wouldn’t know where I would be without them! 🙂 xxx

  9. What a beautiful post! You are so positive and inspiring. I love how strong you are and everything you’ve overcome, I feel very lucky to have ‘met’ you xx

    1. Hey Ellen,

      You wait until you meet me in person, you’ll be sorely disappointed! Haha!

      Thank you for your lovely comment, I’m grateful we share a Tribe, one day soon we shall share a bottle or two of Bubbles! 🙂 xxx

  10. This is a beautiful post, you are an amazing woman. It must have been quite the journey for you. You forgot to add how knowing you will make other people stronger and better. Honestly, your humour and honesty, your passion and they way you educate us all doesn’t go unnoticed…it definitely makes me think and it would help me immeasurably if I ever found myself in a similar place. BiBs got it right with inspiring xxx

    1. Hey Lucy,
      Wow thank you! I definitely don’t think I am deserving of such praise! But thank you all the same!
      I’m truly glad that people enjoy reading, and hopefully learn something too 🙂 xxx

    1. Hey Rachael,
      I enjoyed writing it, eventhough it was a little tough at times to do so!
      I hope you write one, so I can read yours! 🙂 xxx

  11. This is amazing, I felt like I was right there with you and that stubborn, strong 14yr old girl. Thank you for sharing your heart, I truly appreciate it.

    1. Hey Kitty,
      Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a comment, I truly appreciate it!
      Thank you for your beautiful words 🙂 xxx

    1. Hey Laura,
      Thank you for your lovely comment!
      I’m not glad for the things I said or did over those very long years, but it has definitely made me appreciate who, and what I have in my life, I have so much to be thankful and grateful for… Things I probably wouldn’t have said if I hadn’t entered into the journey of sight loss and teenage angst! xxx

  12. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all of
    us you actually know what you’re speaking about! Bookmarked.
    Please also visit my web site =). We will have a link exchange agreement among us

  13. Oh Sassy. You are a wise one. “Every story has it’s scars and these are yours.” It’s hard, isn’t it. We would love to ease the hurt of our younger selves, to forewarn them of hard times, but then, we wouldn’t be who we are then, would we.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *